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All You Need Is Love

“ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE”

By Peter Garich

 

“The reason we fight so hard in combat is not for our Nation’s leaders, or a particular political belief back home, or even our families. The reason we give our all in battle is because of the commitment and bond we have to each other. I would die for my guys

and I know they would die for me,” said one young Vet who had recently returned from the fighting in Iraq. To a man, the Vets being interviewed wanted to make this same point. Aging Vets from the Vietnam era echoed this same sentiment. One of them put it

this way: “The guys I fought with in country are my blood. Even to this day if one was to come up to me and ask me for something—even something that was impossible to do, like something I might lose my life over—I would do it without even thinking. It’s some

weird kind of stuff. I would still give my life for my buddies, even now, 40 years later, and that’s just something I can’t explain. We have this inner bond going on that’s deep.” [The preceding excerpts were taken from a recent PBS special on Vets returning

from war.]

Every one of us should listen carefully to the message from these Patriots. For them, relationships are worth giving your life over. As I listened to these men—who had literally put their lives on the line for each other—I thought of what their words and deeds should mean to us as Christians. As a Christian, I believe we were created for relationships. I believe it’s absolutely imperative that we all have steadfast and enduring relationships where we’re not only willing to die for each other, but willing to live for

each other as well. We need to be engaged in relationships where we encourage each other in an ongoing way—especially when life gets difficult. Our relationships should strive to reflect eternity because, as Christians, we will all be together in heaven one day. But just as important, we should be willing to minister to one another as we make the

difficult emotional and spiritual transitions here on earth—where we need someone to lean on. We can’t afford to go through life and its hardships as “Lone Ranger  Christians,” hoping that when things get tough the “tough” get going—which means doing it without anyone by our side. This is a fate worse than the most difficult struggles we all encounter within our earthly unions because we weren’t meant to go it alone. Neither can we afford to assume that our relationships are doing just fine—especially if we’re not putting into them the kind of quality time required for growth and maturity. Relationships need the utmost care and attention if they are to be godly.

  I was deeply affected by those Vets’ life-and-death commitment to each other. They shared a bond that most of us can only imagine, but we all desperately desire. And although the word “love” was not used to convey the nature of their bond, I’ll bet, just beneath those tough exteriors, it was definitely a sentiment they not only felt for each other but one they had shown many times—especially when they faced the horrors of war. It was impressive to see their personal commitment of love and the message it sent: “I will die for you.” This deeply held sentiment is not only admirable but also Biblical. Christian love is a commitment that says, “We will lay down our lives for each other” and then be willing to do it. It’s the love that Christ showed us and we are called to show each other. In all honesty, I don’t know if I could live up to the example of these soldiers who were willing to die for each other, or that of Christ, who died for us, but this commitment surely is at the heart of true Christian love.

   Last month I made the point that one of the most important insights I can pass along is that during times of distress and distraction we must focus on and foster our vertical relationship with God. This month I would like to explore another equally important truth—one that speaks to our horizontal relationships. Scripture tells us that God has not only called us to love Him with all our hearts, minds, bodies and souls, but to love one another in the same manner. The latter command given by Christ focuses on the horizontal relationships that we must actively establish in our lives—ones that, as I stated above, we are not only willing to die for, but to live for as well.

  The vertical relationship we share with our loving God and Savior is at the center of life itself. To minimize Him in this most vital relationship is to weaken us in every area of our lives—diminishing the absolute source of our existence. At the same time it was our Lord who said, “Love one another, even as I have loved you. For they will know you are my Disciples by your love for one another.” Therefore, it’s not only our love for God, and His for us, that builds godly character, but it’s the committed bond we build with one another. Beloved Pastor and author Andrew Murray wrote concerning our need for godly relationships, saying, “Our love of God is revealed by our everyday fellowship with one another and the love it displays.” It’s true that we have been chosen and called by God not only to commune with Him but also to fellowship with our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. God has set before us the deepest kind of joy, love and oneness in the relationships we share with our spouses, our children and all other believers. Just as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are united in selfless union, so too should we be one with each other. Barriers such as fear that separated Adam and Eve should no longer hinder us. Christ died to make our relationships totally different.  In Christ, the barriers that separated us have been done away with (Eph. 2:13–16). And now it’s our selfishness that stands reluctant to seek the blessings of human intimacy. Theologian and author J. Oswald Chambers wrote concerning the inner opposition we experience when faced with our need for committed relationships saying, “The real enemy to the delight of intimacy that binds believer to believer . . . is not just general sin, but the sin that lies deep at the heart of the fall of man.  Individualism and self-reliance are the twin enemies that battle relentlessly against loving unity in the body of Christ.” The most insidious enemy we face in our attempt to build loving relationships (first those in the family of God and then all others) is love of self. In the great commandment Jesus teaches us that if we love the Lord with our whole being and love our neighbor as we love ourselves we will fulfill all God has commanded. Here in Christ’s magnificent summation of the Biblical mandate for life and love He gives us two commands—not three. Loving God and loving others is the extent of the Biblical charge, and NOT, as some today have stated, that we must first love ourselves before we can love anyone else. Make no mistake about it, the reason we do not have deep and abiding relationships with those people God has put in our lives is because we put our own self-interests, needs, desires and wants above the will of God.  As stated earlier, on the absolute necessity of having

committed and loving relationships, Jesus said, “Love one another, even as I have loved you. For they will know you are my Disciples by your love for one another.” To put love of self before love of God and others, or to believe or live in any fashion other than selfless, committed relationships is in complete contradiction to the Word of God. The Bible never tells us to build self, indulge self, nurture self or in any way to love self. In fact, Paul tells us that no man hates himself, but instead loves himself and takes care of himself. (Eph. 5:29) The truth is, in order to fulfill the commandment of love we are called to DIE TO SELF. It’s my belief that, “God is not attempting to nurture self, but to KILL it. He is not in the business of giving self a boost (for it has gone farther than it should), but instead His way is to crucify and bury it.” It’s my belief that the fleshly endeavor of loving self before loving God and others is one of focus and worship. The more we focus on self, the more we worship self! But the more we focus on Christ and worship God the more we die to self. It’s extremely important to understand that it’s within the biblical act of worshiping God and loving others that we see how love of self is unimportant and unbiblical. The KEY to godly relationships is found in focusing less on me and more on Him—and more on those I’m given by God to love. As our focus shifts from self to Christ and others, the more we will reflect the nature of the relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit—giving them all glory and true worship.

  It’s absolutely true that I am my brother’s keeper, even if I don’t “feeeel” like it. This means God has given me the gift of building relationships that will foster encouragement, initiate communication, develop unity, sustain intimacy and grow in the grace of God. This is the life of biblically loving others in the same way that I already love myself. Jesus never loved being God more then loving His children. This was clearly evident in His final hours on earth.  And with His death before Him His full attention was focused on loving the ones His Father had given Him—and so He kneeled down and washed their feet. In principle and practice this is a great place for us to begin and finish—Loving each other as He loved us!

 

In His Service,

Peter Garich

 

 

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Blessings over Bondage

“Blessings Over Bondage”
By Peter Garich
Understanding who we are (our identity as children of God) and how we fit in (finding freedom in our relationships) are extremely important in the process of sanctification—becoming whole and complete Christian men and women. It is God’s desire that we have a deep personal grasp of these truths of intimacy and oneness, through Scripture and positive godly experiences, so that we will form holy relationships that will endure for the glory of God’s Kingdom. Unfortunately, we do not know how to have these kinds of relationships. Because of sin and our need to hide from God and others we have lived in banished isolation. Due to the sin of Adam and Eve we, too, cover ourselves with a fig leaf, shunning God and each other. “The terror of standing alone and exposed before another—not just physically naked but having our sinful hearts revealed—runs deep in every one of us. We fear the eyes of the person with whom we need or want relationship, the one whose love and respect we believe we cannot live without. What if we are known and not wanted? What if we fail each other (and we will) and the other’s disapproval is not just of what we have done (our standing based on our works) but also of who we are (our very identity)? What if we have been abused at the hands of a parent and we conclude that we are unlovable?” 

These and a whole range of other “what ifs” can continue to keep us desperate and alone—with the mentality of a slave and not a Son or Daughter—or we can step out of the shadows and begin to humbly trust God. Let me illustrate what I mean and why this is so important. Some time ago a couple came to me for marriage counseling. In the case of the woman her problems seemed to revolve around issues of trust. She found it extremely difficult to trust her husband, or almost anyone else for that matter, and how she dealt with this reality was extremely self-destructive. In failing to believe she was a beloved wife and child of God her faith was swallowed by fear. Self-preservation was now her way of life. Gripping fear and the inability to form and sustain bonds of trust and intimacy with her husband was destroying her marriage. Due to these overwhelming internal struggles the other relationships she held dear were also deteriorating. The life she wanted was falling apart. In telling me about herself she recounted an exceptionally tormented upbringing. She never knew her birth parents and, from a very early age, she was shuffled between foster-homes like a piece of property. Unconscionably, many of the “parents” she lived with were abusive. She was not only unloved and unwanted but she was sexually and psychically abused as well. She knew that she was a human being and a female, but past that she had no reality of being a truly wanted and loved woman and daughter, let alone of how to be a loved and loving wife. Love to her was more akin to being liked or lusted over. And even that was based on what she did, or didn’t do, to attain it. When she was used sexually (by both men and women) she was “loved and accepted.” Being “safe and secure” in her relationships was always established by doing what others wanted or demanded of her. She was heavily involved in drugs, and the numerous destructive relationships she had with men were just a blur. What was most striking—and sad—about her was the level of fear, uncertainty and need for acceptance she exhibited in all her relationships, especially with her husband. Missing was that most natural need for love. True love—as characterized in most healthy relationships—was not a part of her vocabulary or her life experiences. For all intents and purposes her deepest relationships were formed in fear and established through performance—pleasing others no matter what the cost. Early on she learned that if she performed well then she would be “loved.” She also learned how to hate. Fear and abuse gave way to anger and hatred, which now became a natural way to express herself in her marriage. She saw the relationship with her husband as a minefield and he was out to hurt her. In the normal course of her marriage, conflicts that are usually no big deal became explosive episodes of fear, anger and mistrust. She was on the brink of losing her faith and they were very close to divorce—something these two, as Christians, thought would never happen! In her book, Risking Intimacy, Nancy Groom explains: “Abuse is a detestable word (and) it comes in many forms, some more subtle than others. But those who are its casualties are deeply marked by its wickedness. Whether the abuse is physical, verbal, sexual or spiritual, its damage is profound and long-lived. And any victim who does not find a safe place to come to terms with the damage [ especially of childhood abuse ] will experience difficulty establishing and maintaining intimate relationships as an adult. In our day it has become fashionable [though wrong to justify our present faults by focusing on our past wounding. It is nonetheless true that childhood trauma and abuse does not simply disappear from our adult emotional [ also rational and volitional landscape.” Sadly, those who have been abused (which again ranges from the subtle to the grotesque) carry with them both the fears and the learned  survival behaviors” that most abuse victims develop. These are inner attitudes and outward behaviors that serve the abused person in their effort to survive the unwanted subjugation by their abuser. For all intents and purposes, this mindset could be characterized as a slave mentality. There are three rules (from the pit of hell) that continue to drive the person—still believing they are enslaved—to endure such an unbearable existence: Don’t Trust. Don’t Risk. Don’t Hope. Taken individually, any one of these rules of slavery would jeopardize the chance of establishing and maintaining godly relationships of mutual love and respect. But taken together, anyone wanting to know the joys of sharing true love and intimacy the way God intended is doomed from the start. Or are they? Learning to love is a risky business, but never trusting, never risking and never hoping is a death sentence. The whole of Scripture and the very words of Jesus Himself tell—no, assure—us that life (not death) and freedom (not bondage) is the plan God has for us all, NO MATTER WHAT OUR PAST HAS BEEN!! Please listen to the glorious words of our Savior and God, Jesus Christ, as He speaks to the heavenly reality of freedom over slavery: “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves to anyone [said the Jews]. Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth; everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in a family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free forever.’” Having faith in and then applying the power and truth of Jesus’ words—as they proclaim our position as sons (who we are as the adopted children of God) and how we fit in (having the freedom to establish loving and enduring relationships)—is His answer to the curse of all our bondage. No matter how rejected and unloved we were—through the abuse of others and the     ravages of our sin—our Savior, who was rejected by all and loved by no one, has given Himself up to death so that we are set free to live. This is the Gospel’s good news, and the place of Gospel-centered renewal to our hearts and minds, that “because of the tender mercies of God, by which the Dayspring from on high will come to us from heaven, to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:78)
God has grace and peace for us, but not the terror or tyranny of being slaves. Once being extravagant sinners, but now being saved by the gracious blood of our loving Savior, is a truth we must pray to  nderstand as well as one for which we should give all worship and praise to Him who made it possible. In their book, Bold Love , Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Tremper Longman III describe the power of God’s love as He invades our broken and fallen hearts: “God’s disruptive and scandalous response to our anger, hatred and fear transforms fury into gratitude and deadness into life. The silence that deeply changes our heart is the hush that comes when we are caught in our hatred and found to be without excuse. The experience of being captured by the eyes that searingly penetrate to the depths of our hurt and fury intensifies our shame and terror at first. Over time, however, the experience of being seized by God’s strong and tender sorrow (in light of what we deserve) stuns us beyond words and opens our heart to freeing gratitude.” There is healing in the penetrating power of God’s love. Not only has God reached down into our world—saving us by grace through faith—once and for all, but He has also begun within our hearts a process, over time, that will continue to free us and graciously move us toward Him and each other—now fully knowing as well as being fully known.
 In His service,
Peter Garich

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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