”Back Together Again”

 

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

Or could they?

 

This timeless English nursery rhyme is sometimes used to characterize the collective belief that once someone is broken—emotionally and psychologically—they can’t be put back together again. In other words, when a person has experienced, say, a childhood of abuse or some kind of catastrophic relational event that deeply traumatizes, their lives are irreparably scarred forever. If you believe the saying, “You can bruise and break the body and it will mend, but when one’s heart is broken that person’s life will never be whole again,” then in most cases those who live with the pain, fear and anger of a devastating past will be tormented their entire lives. For them, the mental and emotional mindset of being victimized overshadows who they are and what they do in an all-encompassing way. Almost every one of these people has one thing in common: their traumatized past determines a future full of pain, hurt and brokenness. In terms of interpersonal relationships, most of them go through life believing they can’t have relationships based on anything other than pain and manipulation. Because it’s almost impossible for them to get what they truly desire—loving relationships where they are safe, accepted and secure—unless they continue in the destructive patterns with which they have grown up. In the case of these people it’s believed, as with Humpty Dumpty, that they, too, will never be put back together again. But is it inevitable that these dear men and women, who have suffered so much already, are doomed to the fate of never finding a King who can save them from their wretched pasts and destructive patterns? These are important questions. They are questions each of us should consider because we all know someone who is struggling with fear, anger and mistrust—all attitudes that come with the pain from these horrific pasts. Over the last month I received several e-mails asking me what happened to the couple I wrote about in the last newsletter. But more specifically, and with great empathy, you wanted to know how the wife is doing? Let me thank you for your e-mails, and please keep them coming. Send any questions or

comments to: petergarich@cox.net

  The couple’s marriage, as with most who come for counseling, is a work in progress. I can say that they have made significant strides, but there is much left to accomplish. As you already know, people who go through such overwhelming problems do not solve them overnight. They need our prayers as they continue to trust God and focus on the love of Christ that is healing them. I’m pleased to say that the gospel is saving and comforting them—the same as it does in the lives of all of us. I’m hopeful that God can put her life and their marriage “back together again.” Most importantly they are still together, working on their marriage and they both love God.

   There are some important questions we have been working on during their counseling. Because her past has caused so much grief, we have sought to understand not only what scripture says about dealing with one’s past, but also how God uses it for our good and His glory. There is an assumption that when bad things happen to a person then those experiences will always cause a life of hopelessness. As Christians this could not be further from the truth. Even though these kinds of experiences are traumatic, it’s nevertheless true that God takes everything we have ever gone through and works it all out for good. This doesn’t mean that God causes us to forget our pasts, but He does begin to reshape our hearts so we interpret such events from a godly perspective. As God works within us He redeems the evil—all those unbearable experiences of our pasts—causing us to see them as part of a greater plan for our growth and maturity in Christ. Scripture teaches us that, “God causes all things to work together for the good, for those who love Him and are called to be conformed to the image of His Son.” (Rms. 8:28) Humanly speaking this verse is hard to swallow. When a person has gone through the kind of abuse that no one would wish on an enemy it’s hard to see how God could make it into something good. This was one of our great challenges in counseling. In a kind of stark reality check our counseling dealt honestly with this difficult fact, while at the same time looking for the hope that God brings in all suffering.

A RADICAL NEW PERSPECTIVE:

We change how we understand and live with our past—emotionally, attitudinally and practically—by looking at it from God’s perspective. By seeing our lives—our whole lives—from the point of view of Scripture, our pasts will affect us much differently. You could say the perspectives and purposes of God are 180 degrees different than ours. God’s purposes for allowing us to experience such deep suffering are always perfect, merciful and gracious—causing us to become more like Jesus. Notice I used the words “merciful and gracious” to describe God’s purposes. They would be neither if He let us go on believing something contrary to His truth. If we continue to believe that pain is bad and bad is hopeless then we will never understand what His purposes are for us. From His perspective our bad experiences are good because they are redeeming in nature. What makes something that’s bad into something that’s good—even when it’s as severe as abuse—is what God uses it for and how we are changed by it. The Apostle Paul speaks of the eternal mindset we must foster in the face of all suffering if we are to have the mind of God. He tells us “All this [suffering] is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause our thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary sufferings and afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporal, but what is unseen is eternal.” Day after day we remember old hurts and experience new hardships which encourage us to see life from a human perspective—one focused only on further pain and suffering. Yet when we look at these experiences from

God’s viewpoint we will have a radical new perspective—turning our pasts upside down. Understanding suffering apart from the eternal significance it holds will leave us broken and devastated. But as we compare the weight of God’s glory—as we become more like Christ—with our momentary afflictions, our pasts take on unparalleled significance, for now they are seen and used for good.

A RADICAL NEW WAY OF LIVING:

“We must not only look at life’s hardships through the lens of Scripture, and God’s grace, but we must also live as though those same sufferings they are.”

~ Charles H. Spurgeon

  Accepting and believing this radical new way of looking at our past suffering achieves its logical/spiritual good as we are matured by it. So how should we respond to negative memories? Let the words of Paul instruct us again as he wrote to encourage his friends from the dark depths of his own captivity. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all situations, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Now that we can look at life’s tribulations from an eternal perspective, our response can be wholly different. It still may seem extremely hard to invoke joy, prayer and thanksgiving in response to the afflictions we have suffered. Yet when we see these responses as spiritual utterances directed toward God our past would finally have true meaning. Our deepest pain will be tempered by the joy we find in Christ. Our haunting memories will be diminished through the prayers we cry aloud to God. And the bondage of our past will be destroyed as we give thanksgiving to the God of all comfort. This is the will of God—which He would be glorified and our painful pasts would be mortified.

  Let us now dwell on this, “Rejoice IN THE LORD always. I will say it again: REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR! . . . in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding [all our human viewpoints], will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”—The only KING who can “put us back together again!!”

 

In His service,

Peter Garich

“OUR INNER STRUGGLE,

 Part 2”

By Peter Garich

                                                             July 1, 2007

 

We all desire to live lives of true godliness. Each of us longs to experience the freedom Christ brings from the bondage sin. There’s not one among us who doesn’t want more of the Spirit-controlled life. In knowing Christ we have tasted of those glorious moments and so our hearts cry out for more. Moments where the Holy Spirit has enlightened us to

our fears and failings, while at the same time, giving us His grace to move ahead. From the beginning of our salvation His love has drawn us ever closer into the intimacy we so desperately need—and He so eagerly desires. Yet, at the same time, we are plagued by our inner cravings and desires, which wage war against His holiness, glory and true peace. There’s no denying we are all engaged in that struggle within. The Apostle Peter writes about these two competing aspects of our nature saying, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His glory and goodness. Through these [His great and precious promises] we may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption that is in the world caused by evil desire.” (2 Peter 1:3–4)

   It’s always fascinated me that Peter does not point to our ability to do good deeds—to live lives of godliness—as our hope for winning the war within. Of course our idea is that our lives will be just fine if we can somehow control things by being good people. Even as Christians we sometimes believe that keeping our lives in “godly check” and “under control” will bring us a real measure of His peace. The truth is, we are dreadfully afraid to take an honest look at our hearts. We fear seeing ourselves as we really are—full of demanding desires, out of control needs and fearful of what we can’t control. But the Apostle Peter says this is exactly what we will find—a self-seeking, desire-driven and out-of-control heart. Because for Peter (and God), the answer to attaining true peace comes from a much different place than such superficial acts that can only give false security. The Apostle states clearly that the secret to experiencing a life of Biblical godliness—in all its manifestations—comes “through our knowledge of Him.” This is where we must start and where we will ultimately finish—in an everlasting and growing intimacy with God! From beginning to end our lives are now “hidden in Christ” as the great Apostle Paul rightly states. And to think otherwise—as if something we might do in relative goodness could be at the heart of true godliness and a deeper knowledge of God—is just wishful foolishness and worldly speculation. We will fulfill our calling to true godliness as we “continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you [we] were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” And to this beginning and end we are warned to make sure, “no one takes you captive [to be in bondage to] through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ,” for you have “fullness in Christ.” There were no illusions in the Apostle’s mind and there should be none in ours.

  Last month we ended by asking the question: what will help us finally bring about the love and intimacy we so deeply desire, as well as vanquish the fears that seem to captivate us? As stated above, it is an everlasting and growing intimacy with God. But if this is true then why is it that we are so easily waylaid in such a holy endeavor? This seems to be the $64,000 question. Why do we get so dissuaded from a deepening intimacy with God if He has given us (and He has) everything we need for life, love and the pursuit of godliness? If God, and we, both desire to be more deeply intimate, then why is it so difficult? I believe it can be summed up in one sentence. Our quest for intimacy is so labored—seemingly taking three steps forward and two steps back—because of the residual effects of the fall. We fear and falter because we FELL from grace. The same fear that gripped Adam’s heart and drove him away from God resides in you and me. The identical terror that the Disciples obsessed over as the waves grew higher and threatened their lives is a defeating part of our lives as well. Yet to His Disciples, and to us, Jesus said, “don’t be afraid” and then quieted the storm. Hasn’t He done that for us as well? In fact, aren’t the gospels full of Jesus’ assurances to those around Him to not be fearful? Jesus’ summons not to fear went out to Jairus as he anguished for his dead daughter—hoping that Jesus would bring her back. He encouraged His three closest friends, Peter, James and John, with a loving touch and the words, “Don’t be afraid” as He was transfigured before their very eyes. Matthew tells us that the three women who came to the tomb fell at the feet of their resurrected Lord and worshiped Him as He exhorted them to not be afraid. In her book, Risking Intimacy, Nancy Groom reminds us that just like Peter, James and John, or the three women, “we are no different. Does not our hope give way to fear, especially when our plans go awry and our expectations go unmet? When we face the decline of our health or the death of a loved one, does not terror leap up within us? When confronted with the loss of a job or of a significant relationship, are we not angry with God who could have prevented the loss? Moreover, the fear and rage that dominate our hearts when our circumstances disappoint or threaten us often dictate our perception of God’s goodness. When our lives are going well, we say, ‘God is good.’ But when we encounter life’s suffering and chaos, we ask, ‘can God really be trusted?’” The answer to this life changing question she states, “our integrity will not let us ignore” and I believe neither will God Himself. Even more than us, it’s God who wants His Children to be sure of the answer for it’s His nature and veracity that’s on the line. And if He’s the one that stirs things up in our lives, then it’s also Him who calms us down—“Do not fear” are the words of our loving Father. “The passion of trusting God enough to intimately connect with Him comes to none of us without struggle.” Groom goes on to say, “And the journey into such intimacy with God is made in increments, of which no step is insignificant if it leads to greater trust.” She closes the chapter on dealing with fear and intimacy by writing, “Amazingly, the God that we are to worship with reverence does not want our awe of Him to keep us from drawing near to receive His grace. In fact just the opposite is true. God longs to bring us into reconciliation and renewed oneness with Himself, though it cost Him the death of His Son to bring us home. This is the Gospel, which is able to banish our deepest fears.”

  “God is love and in Him there is no fear,” writes Jesus’ beloved disciple John. And it is this very good and glorious news that keeps us from falling into the pit of an emotional hell, out of which we cannot climb. It’s a place in our souls where our anguish and fear is fueled by our inability to be god and control the situations in life that we would rather deny and avoid. This is that chasm where Christ wants to meet us and heal us. This is that place where the gospel of God’s mercy and grace, and the forgiveness of sin, can transform us. For only God can control the future and only God can forgive us of such

sinful presumption as trying to be god. Noted Pastor and author Alistair Begg comments on the nature of the gospel and what we believe. He says that at these times of darkness, “The gospel of Christ will either be, ‘I like you, now try your best,’ or, ‘I love you and your sins are forgiven. Now go in the assurance of God’s grace and live in peace.’” And this is the hope that we have, that “this is the gospel, which is able to banish our deepest fears.” (Nancy Groom)

  In closing let me quote from Truth for Life Daily devotional. In it, Alistair Begg gives us this striking insight: “In every believer’s heart there is a constant struggle between the old nature and the new. The old nature is very active and loses no opportunity of employing all the weapons in its deadly arsenal against newborn grace; while on the other hand, the new nature is always on the lookout to resist and destroy its enemy. Grace within us will employ prayer and faith and hope and love to cast out the evil; it takes to itself ‘the whole armor of God’ and wrestles vigorously.  These two opposing natures will never stop struggling as long as we are in this world. Bunyan’s Christian fought Apollyon in a battle lasting three hours, but the battle of Christian with himself lasted all the way from the entry Gate to the River Jordan. The enemy is so securely entrenched within us that he can never be driven out while we are in this body: But although we are closely followed, and often in fierce conflict, we have an Almighty helper, Jesus, the Captain of our salvation, who is always with us and who assures us that we shall eventually be more than conquerors through Him.” Through God’s grace we will be victorious over our struggle within!

 

In His Service,

Peter Garich

 

“OUR INNER STRUGGLES

Part I”

By Peter Garich

June 1, 2007

 

“Hardships not only build character, but they reveal it as well.”

—Anonymous

  The Westminster Catechism states that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. These two admonishments are words of promise and action. The Apostle Paul teaches this same enlightening and uplifting message when he writes, “. . .whether you eat or you drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God.” (1 Cor. 10:31) The thoughts and actions of a life that glorifies God are not an option. We’re commanded to seek His glory throughout Scripture. Graciously we have been assured that we can attain this lofty endeavor—for He has also equipped us. The moment we’re regenerated

God gives us His Holy Spirit. And as His Spirit works within us we are empowered to live for His glory. Because of this new life we are also promised that we will enjoy Him forever. And remember, the magnificent joys of forever began the day we were saved and will go on throughout eternity. Glorifying God and enjoying Him forever is a reality that’s in the here-and-now and not just some distant hope.

  In light of this truth let me pose the following question. What makes glorifying God so important? The answer to this life-altering question is somewhat simple, yet deeply profound. Being created in the Image of God, and not being gods ourselves, we were created to glorify God in all we think and do! (Mt. 22:37–39) It’s also true that the life that glorifies God cannot be separated from the life that worships Him. Paul points us clearly to our need to worship in Romans 12:1–2. The Apostle states, “In view of God’s mercy, offer yourselves to God as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him, which is our reasonable and spiritual act of worship.” As far as God and Scripture are concerned, worshiping and glorifying God are two realities of the Christian life that cannot be separated.

   How we walk this path of glory and worship will become clearer as we know more of Him, His love for us and His manner of life. Our level of intimacy with Christ, a richer knowledge of the life He lived, and the life He now has for us helps us in our quest to live for His glory. The manner and means God employs to move us along this path are many. Since it’s the chief end of every Christian to glorify, worship and enjoy God forever, and since He has equipped us for this journey, then it’s important to understand the nature of the road He’s put us on in order to get there. To accomplish this, the book of Hebrews encourages us with these words, “let us run with perseverance the race that’s marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not lose heart…endure hardships as discipline: God is treating you as sons.” While this passage is full of truths that admonish and encourage us, there are just a few I want us to focus on. To begin with, the writer assures us that the race we run is designed specifically for each one of us. God created us as unique individuals and knows exactly what each of us needs to grow. In other words, He has a race and road that I must take—one that’s different than yours—so that I can mature in my faith. Next he tells us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus Christ. For He not only ran and completed His race, but has assured us that we will complete ours as well. Since God brought Jesus through all He went through, we too are assured of the same. But Jesus’ race was not without the obstacles of life that tried to deter Him, and neither is ours. The same as He was faced with the hardships God had ordained for Him—overcoming them as He lived for His Father’s glory—we too must face and persevere through ours. There are further insights about the struggles Jesus went through as He moved ever closer to fully glorifying His Father. Earlier in Hebrews the writer lifts the veil of Jesus’ humanity, allowing us to view the deepest agonies that even the Son of God endured. These glimpse of our suffering Savior help us to endure what we must as well. We see that,  “during the days of Jesus’ life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, he learned obedience from what He suffered.” This is one of the most amazing passages in Scripture, for through it we are allowed to see the suffering of our Lord. It should break our hearts that Jesus—the Son of the living God—had to go through such pain and anguish. He did this so we could partake in His glory and enjoy Him forever. Through these verses we see that Jesus learned obedience and submission through all He endured. As He laid down His life in an act of submission, He had to experience the road of suffering and hardship. What is made so absolutely clear here is that not even God’s Son would pass through this world without going through all that sin’s vicious curse could bring. One of the blessings we received by all He went through was that He endured the worst so that we could be spared such a fate. And yet, even though we were spared from the depths of His suffering, we too would still run the gauntlet of hardships.

  This brings us to the final truth we will focus on. Just as God’s Son grew through all he suffered, we too, as sons, must endure and persevere in ours as well. This happens so “we may share in His (God’s) holiness.” (Heb. 12:10) One word that helps us understand our shared holiness with God more clearly is that of character—godly character. Just as hardships and holiness go together, hardship and godly character do, too. Remember, “Hardships not only build character, but they reveal it as well.” The hardships we endure are designed to get at our hearts—the seat of our character—so the issue of godly character is extremely important. Building and revealing our character is exclusively a work of the Holy Spirit and the hardships we go through are the instruments He uses. The source of Jesus’ suffering was the sin of others. This is also true for us. But there’s another source we must deal with: ourselves. Although many hardships come from external circumstances—including the sin of others—ultimately we must face our own ungodliness. The only way this happens is through our submission to the Spirit of God as He works within us. One of the gifts He imparts to us is the conviction of His Spirit—showing us our sin and giving us the grace to change. At the same time, one of the curses of being a sinner is that we are self-centered and in denial of the depths of that sin. We do not like to see ourselves in all our filth, much less acknowledge, confess and repent from it. We will sit in resignation to our flesh unless we respond to God’s grace.

  Some time ago a woman came to me who was facing her deepest fears. She was being allowed to see the depths of the sin that blinded her. The occasion was the potential loss of a loving relationship—a loss that was breaking her heart. The woman’s besetting sin was a deep-seated fear that captivated her, and a lack of truly trusting God. She was fearful that she would never know the intimacy of a godly marriage, while at the same time she ran from trusting God for what such a commitment would bring. For years she’d struggled with a plaguing knowledge of these two opposing sins, yet was never compelled enough to deal with them. But then she was faced with a hardship that forced her to the brink and to her moment of truth. Either she would face her inner demons, and her character would grow in the grace of God, or she would shrink back and live in the bondage of sin’s grip. Nancy Groom writes insightfully of this woman’s spiritual battle, “We all struggle with fear in our relation-ships. The intimacy for which we were designed is continually being sabotaged by our fear, and we keep running away from what we long to be running toward. We desire oneness but we flee the closeness. Our desire for love collides with our horror of vulnerability. We want closeness but we fear being consumed or ignored . . . too often we retreat to the area of the manageable instead of trusting God in the uncharted territory of our fear.” Her words are extremely insightful as she captures the heart of this woman’s plight. She also speaks to the fear to which we can all fall prey. But what will help us, we ask? What, or who, will finally bring about the love and intimacy she (and we) so deeply desire, and vanquish our fears? In a word, it is CHRIST ALONE!! Only He can enable us to step through the mist of every tormenting fear that binds us and take hold of all we were designed to be.

  Next month we will explore this more deeply. We will look closely at the LOVE and GRACE of Christ. They bring us comfort in our battles and free us from our struggle!

Grace and Peace,

Peter Garich